Consideration, Communication, Compromise

Margie Kelly shares ways the bridal couple can move from engagement to their first anniversary with minimum stress and maximum graciousness. A sense of humor comes in handy when dealing with all the moving parts for one of the most important days of your lives!

Q. My parents planned to give my engagement party since I
was about 10 years old but my fiancé’s parents want to give one too. What should we do?

A. Since the bride’s parents are the traditional hosts for the engagement party, be candid with your future in laws and tell them yourself that’s been your parents’ dream for years. Be flattered they’re excited about introducing you to their family and friends which they can do at another gathering…Just don’t call it an engagement party.

Q. My bride has chosen a small family church for the wedding and a small club for the reception. What can we do about the people who didn’t make the A-list for invitations? My parents want to know.

A. The bride’s family may not be able to afford or may not want a cast of thousands. Please help your folks honor their decision. Suggest that your parents entertain upon your return from your honeymoon or when you first visit their town as a married couple. They can set the place and the number of invitees. Also discuss with your folks the option of mailing a marriage announcement to those you would’ve invited if space had allowed. The bride’s parents, who might want to send some as well, could work with your folks on this.

Q. What if a guest doesn’t respond to the wedding invitation?

A. Weddings are big business and it’s a shame if people don’t show up to eat the lovely food somebody bought. Invitations can be lost in the mail and some rude people just do not respond. It’s perfectly correct to contact the guest immediately by telephone or e-mail and ask if they will attend or not. Decide who’s more comfortable with contacting each no-response invitee…bride, her parents, groom, his parents…and do it right away.

Q. How do we thank someone for a wedding present that’s a check?

A. Please, please don’t do what Matthew did…On his aunt’s cancelled check where it lists “For” with a blank line, that rude, rude groom wrote “Great gift, Aunt Audrey…Thanks!” The bride or the groom…Yes, the grooms should help with writing the thank you notes…One of you should thank the giver for the check and explain how you intend to use the money. If it’s a conservative giver, they’d like to hear how you purchased a much needed missing piece of china or crystal. Another giver would be happy to know you splurged on a great honeymoon meal.

Q. Do we need a receiving line? I think they’re old fashioned.

A. Think about the 3 Cs here…Consideration, communication and compromise are more important than an engagement diamond’s Cs when answering this query. Who are the actual hosts for the wedding? Are there more than 75 guests? It’s hard to greet more than 75 at any function so receiving lines do warrant consideration. Talk about a plan. It is 2008 and your attendants and even the fathers might want to work the crowd and let you and the mothers make up the receiving line if you opt to have one.

Q. Do we…the bride and groom…drink when we’re being toasted?

A. In a word no.

Q. The boss is coming to dinner. Where should he sit and how do I set the table?

A. The rules of dining etiquette are straightforward and easy to master. Please call me to arrange your Business Etiquette Institute Dining Tutorial.